Apples

This may be one of the most ridiculous things to get upset about, but for sake of getting it out in the open and possibly garnering the support of like-minded and like-afflicted people, I will just spill: I am extremely irritated by apples that, in the process of eating, do not stand on end. I realize how ludicrous it sounds, and perhaps it's OCD, and perhaps it's my own damn fault for the way I eat apples and how that might contribute to an imbalance and throw off the apple's center of gravity, but c'mon. I will literally result to resting the partially eaten apple on top of a glass so it doesn't taunt me by tipping over onto it's side, thereby becoming inedible. "Then don't set the apple down," they'll say. "Then cut the apple into slices and put them on a plate," they'll say. Stop trying to take away my individuality. You can tell a great deal about a person by the way they eat an apple. And I eat my apples with peanut butter. I need my hands free to eat the peanut butter.

Zoo Brew

Ever sipped casually on a black IPA next to Bengal tiger? I have. Jealous? Probably. Was I scared? Of course not, because there was what I hope was bulletproof class separating the inch of space between the striped beast and myself, but most likely it was because of the 20+ craft breweries, a 4 oz. mug, and unlimited beer and food samples. It was Zoo Brew and it was an unparalleled drinking experience that took place AT A ZOO. Whaaaat? Yep. A zoo. Why I just recently heard about this and why I just experienced it is beyond me, but it was nonetheless and nevertheless worth it, if not just for seeing two tortoises [cough] making the beast with two shells, or getting inches away from a peacock I named Jeremy who had a particularly sharp beak and a complete disregard for our presence. My mom, who DD'd, was actually wearing a Vera Bradley-esque paisley print shirt that I can only assume caused confusion for the peacock, allowing her to get closest to the Jeremy without her even registering his presence. Are peacocks aggressive? I have no idea. On to the next booth. I see beer being filtered through fresh watermelon next to the red panda exhibit. OUT OF MY WAY!

The Safari Zone Allegory

You pay $500 of whatever currency it is to get in. Cool. No big deal. There's tall grass, some spots to fish, you walk around. Maybe you get lucky and run into something rare - a Chansey, Scyther, Kangaskhan, Dratini...whatever it is you're looking for. Hell, maybe you just want a Nidorino/Nidorina, because you've got that moon stone. Regardless, you encounter one, that little diddle-ee-doo chime plays and your heart skips a beat in anticipation. You've got four options at this point: Throw bait, throw a rock, throw a safari ball, or run. Choose wisely. Not all Pokemon react the same. Some take the bait. Some run. Some get angry when you throw a rock, but stay for whatever reason, because they're weird like that and are into it. Maybe you just go for it and throw a safari ball. You've got 30, so why not? Take a chance and just go for it. What's the worst that will happen? The Pokemon runs? You catch it? It's maddening. Your palms sweat and your eyes hurt because you've been staring so intently that they dried out. Some are easier to read than others and only respond to bait or rocks or balls. Others, like freaking Chansey's are just impossible. Sure it would be great to catch one, but is it worth it? Are Chansey's really that great when you could catch a perfectly good Venomoth instead? I don't know. I couldn't really tell you anymore. Then there are those times you just run. Diddle-ee-doo and oh crap, another Nidoran [insert gender]. You have to be selective, but not too selective. You have to try out different strategies. Or maybe use the same strategy on different Pokemon and bank on it hopefully working. It's a gamble. Then there's the fact that you only get 500 steps. That's ridiculous. You're entire path must be carefully planned out or else you're running into walls or getting lost, neither of which are why you're at the Safari Zone. There are some lovely items to collect, and that can keep you occupied, but it's not really the main draw unless you just want those Gold Teeth and subsequently HM 04, which means you're ready to move on anyway. Ding...dong time to go home. If you want to try your luck again, fork over another $500. Maybe next time it'll be different. Maybe you get (or even encounter) that elusive Chansey. You really never know. Some players won't stop the vicious cycle of 500's until they do. I say give it a try or two or three. It's fun. It's exciting. But always remember you never know when you're going to run into Dugtrio in Diglett's Cave, or an Abra in that little strip of grass West of Nugget Bridge (but then be prepared to lose your mind)...there are so many awesome Pokemon outside of Safari Zone that it hardly seems worth the time. Or maybe you have your heart set on that single Zapdos and you know just where it is, where it always is. You know it will be a battle. It might take a ton of restarts. It's worth it though. Zapdos is the shit.