Apples

This may be one of the most ridiculous things to get upset about, but for sake of getting it out in the open and possibly garnering the support of like-minded and like-afflicted people, I will just spill: I am extremely irritated by apples that, in the process of eating, do not stand on end. I realize how ludicrous it sounds, and perhaps it's OCD, and perhaps it's my own damn fault for the way I eat apples and how that might contribute to an imbalance and throw off the apple's center of gravity, but c'mon. I will literally result to resting the partially eaten apple on top of a glass so it doesn't taunt me by tipping over onto it's side, thereby becoming inedible. "Then don't set the apple down," they'll say. "Then cut the apple into slices and put them on a plate," they'll say. Stop trying to take away my individuality. You can tell a great deal about a person by the way they eat an apple. And I eat my apples with peanut butter. I need my hands free to eat the peanut butter.